Recently in Pakistan we saw a video that went viral on social media. The retailer Sapphire announced a flat 50%-off sale to celebrate their anniversary. A group of women who found the bargains irresistible at the Lahore flagship store were yelling and shoving each other. To me this clearly reflects the pressure women in our society experience to conform to traditional norms of beauty and looking good. They express this compulsion by gravitating towards brands that promise to deliver on this imperative.

Women grow up today in this culture which places a premium on appearance and perception. They themselves are ready to be judged by their appearance and the brand that they wearing it. This makes them self-conscious and uncomfortable. And it’s not just the famous among us; regular women also feel the pressure.

So therefore, not only brand, the women will also package themselves and hide behind a mask of makeup. Their hair and makeup is flawless, and the shoes are shiny and the outfit styled and coordinated. They will surreptitiously check the mirror regularly. They will ask their friends for reassurance.

I was quite surprised by a recent research finding in the US. The results were devastating. The study shows that up to 90% of women want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance. 81% of ten-years-old girls are afraid of being fat. And only 2% of them actually think they are beautiful. A good amount of research has been found that women by and large express indirect aggression toward other women, and that aggression is a combination of “self-promotion” by making themselves look more attractive, and “derogation of rivals”, being catty about other women.

I would also like to say that social media has done many wonderful things for women, including stay-at-home moms, students, bloggers and activists. It has allowed us to connect. It’s given us a virtual soapbox, a ground-up way of taking a stand, making a point and getting our message out when newspapers and magazines might have ignored us. But in terms of beauty, it has really bitten us on the bottom. In some ways it has reinforced traditional perceptions of beauty.

Cameras are built into cellphones. Anyone might happen to want to snap and post and pin and share images on social media that could be tweeted and retweeted. Now every day is the class picture day. Every phone is a camera. Every picture or video can end up on the net. We’re all on the air all the time. I would like to share with you a story that a friend of mine told me recently: she was driving and reached the stop light. The woman ahead of her, in full makeup, was busy taking selfie instead of driving. We are in a highly image conscious world!

After all, I believe that beauty is something that should give me pleasure. When we feel good about ourselves, we have that inner glow that makes us look good not necessarily by makeup or expensive clothes. However, sometimes feeling good comes from giving, loving, caring, empathy and compassion, going beyond ourselves, and stepping out of our comfort zones to help serve others.

I also realize that the Pakistani attitude towards beauty has also changed. I remember that when I was growing up in Pakistan I learned my first beauty secrets from my grandmother and mother. They taught me their time-tested tips to looking and feeling beautiful inside and out. It has always been a bit jarring for me when I go back to Pakistan now and meet my family and friends. Their sense of fashion seems to be a little garish. The colors can be too loud, and makeup excessive. Similarly brand consciousness is on rise in Pakistani culture as well. When I was growing up I was not too conscious about any type of brand. I was happy whatever my mom got or designed for me.

It’s time that our attitudes as women about beauty should change. We should not fight for our beauty. It’s a fight that can’t ever be won, because time never tires of marching on. Instead of fighting the inevitability of losing the traditional notion of beauty, we should embrace change. We’ve to do what we can. We’ve to try to have a balanced life, to not just focus on our faces but on all the faces in our lives.

After all, women’s appearance or brand is only one aspect of what makes them unique, and uniquely beautiful. The more interests they have in life, the more interesting, curious, engaged, and sparkling they become.

Most of all, we’re going to live in the here and now – not in the nebulous and unpredictable future or the foregone past – so that we can be happy with what we’ve got and not what we’ll never have.

I would like to say, “Just don’t get stuck in a beauty rut on your way to real success!”